Oh, the things we do...

Why is it we seem so convinced that staying fit is a complicated, scientific procedure? We measure every calorie, we do crazy exercises on giant air-filled balls and swallow weight loss pills that cause us to have all sorts of (usually gastrointestinal) side effects. Today's post is dedicated to 'Fitness Funniness'.

Disclaimer: I don't recommend any of this crap, and my definition of 'funny' is sometimes synonymous with 'horrifying'.

Funniest Pill
Alli works by refusing your body the ability to process fat. I have two issues with this. Number one is that your body needs fat. No, not the blubbery muffin top kind, but the kind in peanut butter. The second issue I have is more, well, aesthetic. Because your body doesn't process fat, it just slides through your insides until it reaches your colon. At this point the fat is still completely unprocessed and in it's original brown, oily form. Because humans aren't airtight & ziplock sealed, the fat is easily expelled from your colon. Usually without your knowledge.

Meaning: Buy extra underwear and stay away from the whitey-tighties. I recommend these.
Here's a direct quote from the Alli website:

"You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work "

Funniest Machine
The iJoy is probably the funniest contraption I've come across yet. Their website claims you "Just hop on, sit back, balance and have fun riding". The idea of bucking/wobbling, motorized chairs is hardly new, but the detail that won this machine it's award is it's name. The iJoy. What part of working out is "Joyful"?

I think this machine is targeting lonely housewives and curious sorority girls, not the fitness crowd. I'd hardly expect to see a barbell bench named "The Joybench" (and if I did I'd probably be expecting a whole lot more than a good workout)







Funniest Exercise
While new exercises are 'invented' nearly every day by either very creative individuals or gym-tards, this one really stands out. I'm going to simply leave you to watching the video, and keep the commentary short. (Note: I was going to say this was "Safe For Work" (SFW) but I think this really depends on where you work.)



Funniest Diet
This one is so absurd I'll just give you an excerpt from the book: "The basics of the Nietzschean regimen are simple," Hollingdale wrote in the book's foreword. "The dieter exercises a painful amount of self-honesty in order to identify the primary object of his or her deepest human dread as personified by a wide-ranging group of foodstuffs. Once the dieter's Fear has been identified, he eats that food exclusively, in unlimited amounts, until the food no longer appetizes or frightens him. Having completed his gorge and transcended his fear, the dieter fasts for 20 days on water and Simple Salad. The dieter also engages in moderate metaphysical exercise, drinks eight brimming bowls of water every day, and 'opens the Gates of Dread and Fiber that remain closed to him in his Mundane Life' by taking fiber supplements."