The whole office is out to get me!

For months I've suspected there's something amiss in my office. Things on my desk wouldn't be where I left them, I'd hear strange noises eminating from my office before I'd walk in, crazy things. I didn't know what to do, until last night.

Last night I snuck into my office through the back door. I slowly creeped into my office, armed only with a boxcutter & a brand new sharpie.

What I found may horrify you.

I had been lucky enough to remember my camera, and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the first of what my camera captured last night:

(scroll down)

A mouse!
I couldn't believe it! Was this a single rodent, or was my office infested? I had to know! I continued on through my office and was nearly spotted by a fiersome creature!

The Staplerous Menaceous:

I quickly ducked out of the way! I tumbled and rolled, ended up near my filing cabinet and was nearly eaten by the creature hiding behind it,

a Paperworkous Lefttodous!
My office was truly infested! I was scared, I'll admit that. I was very, very afraid. I couldn't just leave though. It was up to me to save the office, if I didn't, no one would. My first course of action was to call for backup, I reached for the phone. I nearly lost my hand. The rarest of office creatures:

Tyelefones Rabidous! My God!

What was I to do?
I ran for the storage closet and cowered. I had to think of a plan! Finally, I decided I had to face each creature, one-on-one. I left the safety of the closet and headed for my desk. What I found is something no other employee has ever witnessed.
They were in...




A MEETING!

This I could no longer handle on my own! Things had escalated beyond my ability to control.
I ran.
I ran screaming like a little girl.
So I ask you, the reader:
Know of anyone hiring? I need a new job!



DISCLAIMER: No, I do not need a new job. I am well fed and taken care of at my current job. I have learned the habits and rituals of the office creatures and we now get along just fine. Even though the stapler still owes me $20.

I know what he stole from my car!

Yesterday I posted a bulliten about my car being broken into.
I told you all that I didn't know what the guy took from me.
Now I know.

A little recap:
*He didn't take the bottle of percoset (prescription pain killers) lying on the back seat.
*He didn't take my checkbook, or my tools, also on the back seat.
*He definatly didn't take my CD collection (not his style of music, I guess).
*He didn't take my digital camera, lying on the dash.However,

*He DID take my $15 Wal-Mart power inverter and my cell phone charger.

I found out this morning when I went to charge my cell phone while I was in the gym, and it wasn't there. I actually feel better, knowing he stole something, instead of busting my rear window out in vain...

I think I'm being targeted by an underground group of moronic theives.

My cell phone is dead and until I get off work and go buy a new charger.


(yes, this is real, I am not making this up!)
(note to potential thieves: all those goodies listed above are no longer in my car, as I am missing a window!)

To the guy who broke into my car...

Some of you may remember my blog post a while back about the guy who tried to steal my previous car (with the dead battery!)

Well, last night someone broke into my current car, they smashed the rear window in and unlocked the doors. If you have any idea of WHO did this, would you please ask them: "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU TAKE?!?!"

Everything is still in my car.
What the hell?

My CD collection? Still there.
My Tools: Check
My PRESCRIPTION PAIN KILLERS: Still lying on the back seat.
My Checkbook: Not one check missing.
So, what the hell dude?
And why did you leave your sock with the roll of pennies in it lying next to my car? Can't you reuse those things? I'm no professional, but I'd think 'sock with roll of pennies' has more than one use in it.
Many of you may think I'm joking here. I'm completely serious. What the hell did you take?????